Funnily, I thought of the Pearl Jam song when I saw the Daily Prompt post.
I was very nervous about posting the first time on my blog here. That is because I finally started writing about something that had remained so personal for all these years. I have been suffering from depression and most of my family and friends have no idea that I do. I fight it inwardly, on a very regular basis.
As all those who suffer from mental illness already know, there are very things that can compare to the pain of having a mind that is your worst enemy, We are usually taught to value our mind, our intellect and so on. What happens when your most treasured feature becomes the one you fear the most?
So, I finally decided to stop withdrawing into myself. I realised that there are millions of souls out there who are suffering, and a lot of them at heightened levels beyond my imagination. I created this blog to make a space for all those who want to share their battles, their victories and defeats, against their own minds.
I was crying while writing the post. Not for myself (for a change!) but because I realised that there would be people who would read it and go, “Why, that sounds like something I go through too!” It’s nothing pioneering; just an attempt to throw the war wide open.
Putting the whole thing into words was very difficult and to an extent, cathartic. At the end, there was an odd mixture of fulfilment and inadequacy. I had written, but had I expressed everything? Probably not, I don’t think I will ever be able to complete what I feel through what I write. And yes, in a small way the post set me free, just like what they say about truth.
But I am going to try re-occupying my mind. I am going to find little ways to beat the storm,and I want other people to share with me their ways too.
I want everybody to BE the light at the end of the tunnel.