In 10 Seconds I Was Probably Going To Die. I Didn’t Care

What happens to us in that little interim between a beginning and its end? We spend all our time in tightly clinging to this one chance at a life. Living it by any means possible. No expense spared and no moments wasted.
Then one day, all of a sudden we hurtle towards an unknown ending at such a fiery speed that it leaves us breathless.

How do you emerge on the other side? Dead, alive or in some form of existence that only those who have crossed the line will know?I gripped the shoulders of my friend riding the motorbike. In the blurred moments before, I knew that he had tried to control the bike as much as he could. He had failed. Now we were going to crash into a taxi at 80 kph. There was no room to swerve because we were hemmed in. All I could see was the bright yellow of the taxi coming closer and closer.
At that speed, I didn’t know what was going to happen in the next few seconds. Everything happened in a blur after that, lasting not more than ten seconds before impact. All I remember now are those ten seconds.
No, I did not see my life flashing before my eyes in little graphic strips. Neither was I gripped with heart wrenching grief and regret. All I felt was release. An overwhelming sense of release. Mind you, this was long before depression and all his friends had entered my life. I had no clue whether I was going to be alive after that and somehow it didn’t matter.
We live our lives in the fear of losing it. Everything that we do is governed subconsciously by that feeling. In those ten seconds, that essentially human attachment slipped away, leaving me free of fear and pain. The more we try and control our lives, the higher our fears escalate. In that situation, I had absolutely no control. I couldn’t do anything to stop the impact and its consequences. I could finally stop working so hard to hold on to my attachments.

Bereft of everything, I was finally free.

Then we hit the car.

Advertisements

50 comments

  1. Oh my gosh that was amazing. I so want more. I love that you left me wanting more. I want to know about the days immediately following and the months and years after that. I want to know your emotional state about it today. Fantastic.

  2. I was incredibly tense at first reading this. But let go as your words said and sensed that release. After all, you had no control of what came next. It’s interesting to know that’s how we might feel. I agree with you about giving in to this one and only and going where we are supposed to go instead of trying to control everything, change the way. After living a half century, I am much more conscious of this!

    Welcome to Yeah Write. Your first post is fantastic!!!

  3. Dang. Now I want to know what happened next.
    I have felt this moment myself– It seems to be the remedy for fear, honestly. Find yourself so completely out of control that it doesn’t matter whether you are afraid or not because you know well that it won’t help you.
    So… what happened next?!

          1. Yes-you’ll need to insert the badge in the post that you want to link up otherwise you’ll get an error message. I gave Erica M a heads up about your post. You can contact her if you have any problems.

  4. It would be healthy if we could sometimes when appropriate, abandon ourselves to the current of life, let it carry us where it will and simply enjoy the journey. But it goes against the grain with me although I’ll try again and again.
    My near death experience made me re-think many things in life. I too had no control at the time and was in no position to be able to stop what was about to happen. I felt numb and helpless but just waited on what was about to happen.

    Your post has opened me up to many deep thoughts about freedom.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s